We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
