He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
