I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
