glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
