If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
