she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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