dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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