Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
