So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
