I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
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