she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
