Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
