I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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