I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
two words...techno handjob
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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