Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
