I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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