Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
