Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
