when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't deserve a penis
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
