Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
