Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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