So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
