How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
