i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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