The maid of honor just puked.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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