Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
