I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
