The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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