just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
