We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I will pee on everything he values.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
