I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
