If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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