Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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