It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
