I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
