I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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