I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
