I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
