Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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