So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
