Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
