oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
