I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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