I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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