Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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