i permit you to call me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Randomize
