Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
