i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize