I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
