His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
