You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
