Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
