he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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