giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You ate ashes out of my bong
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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