You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
