one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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