When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
