I saw his package. It spoke to me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize