i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
