I am puke
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
