I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize