Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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