you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
