I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
