3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
