I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
