all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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