You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
