Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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